It's Not "Da Google"

CP: Thank you phor phoning CP's Drug Emporium where reality ceases and everyone's dreams go to die. How may I confound you today?

Yells About Phone System: I had a question. 

CP: Then what happened? Did it turn into something else? 

YAPS: No. I have a question. 

CP: Okay. That makes more sense. Go on. 

YAPS: I just called in a couple refills and the lady didn't tell me the prices. 

CP: Did you ask her?

YAPS: No. I forgot. 

CP: Well, that's on you then, isn't it? 

YAPS: Well I didn't have time to ask. She hung up on me. 

CP: Which tech was it? I shall tar and pheather her post haste!

YAPS: I just need the prices first. 

CP: Sure. What's your name? 

YAPS: I can't believe she didn't give me the option to ask the price. 

CP: And I'd have them phor you by now if I just had your name. 

YAPS: YAPS.

CP: Okay. Phirst name? 

YAPS: Well I called in Metformin. 

CP: No. Your first name. 

YAPS: Then I entered the number for my generic Prilosec. 

CP: Okay. Still waiting phor your phirst name and this is going to be good. 

YAPS: Then the system hung up on me so I had to call back to get you. 

CP: Still waiting on that phirst name of yours. 

YAPS: Susie. As in Susie YAPS-a-Lot. 

CP: Got it. You called in to our automated refill line and the rude little, automated, lady hung up on you before you could ask the price, correct?

YAPS: Yes. 

CP: Perhaps you didn't answer her questions in a timely manner. You do show a tendency to not get to the point. 

YAPS: But I can't believe she didn't ask if I wanted the prices. I didn't get the chance to ask her. 

CP: You do know her name is not ALEXA, right? Nor SIRI? She's more like Santa Claus. He takes your requests but it's really up to someone else (the parents/pharmacists) to make the dream reality. 

YAPS: What's her name? 

CP: Really? Let's go with Betty. 

YAPS: So what are my prices?

CP: Phortunately for you, you talked so long that they're ready. Unfortunately, I accomplished nothing else. Your total will be $20.00. 

YAPS: When will they be ready? 

CP: I already said they're ready but you really need to be on a word limit. Someone needs to invent a twitter-fy button. Or at least a comprehension button. 

I can hear it now: "We are sorry but the party with whom you are communicating has activated the twitter-fy button. You have reached your word limit for this conversation. If you wish to converse further, please call back after choosing your words very carefully. Good day."