Pharmacist Policy

As we all know, corporate pharmacies are filled with policies. Policies telling you to read new policies. Policies stipulating how often they will make and you are to read policies. Policies stating how to sign policies. But does your pharmacy have a policy regarding pharmacists? 

In our Random Discussion of the Week (RDW), we explored the subject of the Pharmacist dropping dead, or at least comatose, to the floor. Without being able to locate a corporate policy on the subject, we took it upon ourselves to fill in the blanks and write one ourselves. 

1. Check for pulse. 

2. Check for breathing. 

3. Is pharmacist's body in view of public? 

4. If yes, roll body under counter. Keep working.

5. If no, keep working. 

6. If fingerprint or retina scan are required and no pulse has been found, carefully remove the pharmacist's finger or eyeball and keep it on ice to be used accordingly. (See Policies on Proper Knife Usage and How to Make Your Spatula into a Mini-Katana)

7. If breathing, roll pharmacist under counter closest to workstation. Distract patients with sleight-of-hand tricks when placing fingerprint or retinal scanner near pharmacist's body. 

8. Do not be afraid to step on pharmacist's body to appear taller. Where possible, it may help to place the anti-fatigue mats on top of him/her. 

9. When time allows, call for a replacement pharmacist and one will be sent over some time before closing to lock the doors. 

10. Under no circumstances are you to call 911 until a replacement pharmacist has been sent. We cannot afford to close the pharmacy for any inconveniences, however minor. 

Remember, laws require that a licensed pharmacist be IN the pharmacy. Technically she and her license are IN the pharmacy.