Pharmacy Phun with Patients. The next time someone asks "what's taking so long?" or is dull enough to utter "all you do is put pills in a bottle", surprise them with this witty tete a tete.
Irascible Dude Getting All Fervid: What's taking so long?
CP: Your prescription.
CP: Printer Problems.
IDGAF: I don't care about that.
CP: Well, you did ask. I assumed you were being empathetic.
IDGAF: I watched my doctor send it over an hour ago.
IDGAF: I assumed when he hit "send" it just came out done.
CP: Oh. Like hitting "start" on your microwave instantly cooks your bag of popcorn?
IDGAF: Yeah. I mean, no. But I saw him send it.
CP: I'm sure you did. Ever send an email?
IDGAF: Of course.
CP: Ever see what happens to it after you hit "send"?
IDGAF. No. I'm not there.
CP: And neither were you here. As for our printer problem, more importantly the one that directly affects your prescription, it's a little slow. It's the newest printer you can get.
IDGAF: It should be faster then!
CP: Not exactly. It's a 3D printer. It prints out each individual dose, one-at-a-time. Your doctor ordered 180 capsules. It's going to be a while.
IDGAF: Can't I just get one of those you just slap a label on?
CP: Nope. Not what your doctor ordered. My technician is busy sitting in front of the printer, holding a vial, waiting for each capsule to be completed so she can grab it off the printer and place it in the vial. It's a very labor-intensive endeavour. Not sure how long it's going to take to even get to the label slapping part.
IDGAF: What about the ones where you just takes pills from a big bottle and put them in a smaller bottle?
CP: We're out of those.
IDGAF: What are all those bottles behind you?
CP: Antique displays.
CP: Ever been in a pharmacy where they have cute little decorative urns and mortars and pestles, and glass bottles of many colours?
CP: Throwbacks to the days when we were apothecaries and actually made your medications. Now we use those as pharmacy decorations. Same with these stock bottles. We need something to take up all this shelf space. Wouldn't want patients thinking we didn't have anything in stock.
IDGAF: This is absurd.
CP: No. It's cynical. Now go sit down, pull out your phone, and play Candy Mania until we call you.
CP: Wait. Almost forgot... (singing) Do you wanna get a flu shot? What else you gonna do? You have a lot of time to kill. It's such a thrill. Just let me please shoot you!