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Monday, June 29, 2015

Check Please

Why do people call the pharmacy to complain about a missing prescription before searching for it? I suppose it's the equivalent of "where are my sunglasses?" (on your head) or "where is my cellphone?" (you're talking on it).

CP: How many I help you?
Grumpy Foreskin: I got home and one of my prescriptions was missing.
CP: Ok. What do you mean it was missing?
GF: I am holding an empty bottle. What are you going to do about it?
CP: Well sir, it was in the bag when it left here. I checked our on hand quantities and we are spot on with our inventory.
GF: This is outrageous!

(cue dogs barking and a wife nattering on in the background for atmosphere...muffled sounds of struggle...)

Grumpy Foreskin's Wife: This is ridiculous! You keep doing this to him! I am an RN and I want to talk to someone who can fix this NOW!

(puts call on long, interminable, #PunishmentHold)

CP: As I tried to explain to your husband, our on hand quantities are correct. Perhaps you could check around the house. I noticed you picked up this prescription 3 weeks ago, not a few hours ago, as you made me believe.

(two hours later)
CP: How may I help you?
GFW: I found them.
CP: No shit? Ok. I need to know. Where were they?
GFW: In the glove box of his car.
CP: Thanks for wasting my time and being such an understanding, patient person. You bring nothing but warmth and tenderness to your profession. You are an exemplary RN and I am happy to call you a professional colleague.

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