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Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Give Me an A!

I've mentioned before how much our profession has become a carnival. We are circus performers behind a counter. I often feel as though juggling bottles a la Tom Cruise in Cocktail isn't enough of a show anymore for my patients. We need something new; something edgier to excite the public into knowing we have the best pharmacy in town. It's not about fast service or accuracy or low prices anymore. Pharmacy is all about the gimmicks. I want to introduce...the Drugstore Cheerleaders. 

First, we'd have a Carnival Barker standing in front of the counter. He'd be dressed in Rod Roddy's jackets and wearing the smile of the Cheshire Cat. 
CB: "Step right up. Step right up! What can we do for you today? Ah! A Manufacturer discount card! 
<Starts playing the limbo song and slowly building a rising chant with "how low can you go? how low can you go? How Low Can You GO?!">
The cheerleaders will come up behind you and join in the chorus. Then they'll start shaking their pompoms and cheering "take it off! take it off! take it off!"
You, as the customer, will get so caught up in the excitement you'll forget all about how much work is involved on our part. But that's okay. It's called distraction. Throw some loud, obnoxious, sequin-clad people in your face along with a theme song, (I'm thinking Eye of the Tiger) and you'll forget all about the wait and the hassle. People will look forward to coming to my pharmacy. 
After the card is run through, the CB will announce the savings over the store's paging system and to the patient and confetti will drop from the ceiling while the cheerleaders carry the customer on their shoulders to the cash register to pay. 

"How will we pick our pharmacy now?"
"We used to go wherever there was a coupon."
"But CP has Cheerleaders! and an announcer!"
"They are so entertaining there. And it's so much fun, I forget it takes them an hour to rebill my prescription. But that's ok. It's so much fun! If only they added a craps table..."

A craps table? Hmmm....


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