(More) Stupid Expectations

Insurances change.
They send new cards…or not.
People receive them…or not.
People know they have them…or not.
People have oddly unrealistic expectations of my power. While I am not quite Aladdin's genie, or Jafar ("Phenomenal cosmic powers…itty bitty living space"- okay, that part is true), I can work some magic. However, this was not one of those days…except to make myself laugh.

CP: Allo? This is the United States calling. Are we reaching?
Needs To Lower Expectations: Yes?
CP: I was calling because it appears you have a new insurance.
NTLE: I do?
CP: You do. Would you happen to have the information with you?
NTLE: Perhaps.
CP: Could you bring the card with you when you return?
NTLE: "Can't I just give it to you over the phone?" (not an unreasonable request.)
CP: Sure. I just need the numbers.
NTLE: Which numbers?
CP: ID#, BIN#, PCN#, Group# would all be most helpful.
NTLE: "I don't have any numbers." (now it's unreasonable.)
CP: Seriously?
NTLE: No.
CP: Then what exactly do you wish me to take over the phone?
NTLE: The information?
CP: Ah. Yes. "THE Information." And what information might that be? See, the information I need, the information to which you are referring, is located on the card. It is made up of numbers. Occasionally a few letters may appear, but numbers rule the world. Without any numbers, you are without insurance information.
NTLE: Really?
CP: Yes. To put this another way. You asking me to "take the information over the phone" without ANY information in hand is like me calling and asking a hooker to just provide services over the phone…without getting in the car…without anything in hand…(places phone over crotch for maximum emphasis of point-realises patient on phone can't see this.) You follow?