Walking With a Limp

I was once told by some HR prick that my mouth would get me in trouble. He may have been right as I seem to have #NoFilter when it comes to my customer interactions. Mind you, these are not your typical, run-of-the-mill interactions. These are the ones where I defend my honour and that of my technicians...and try to one-up the belligerent arse standing across from me. One of my most important rules in my pharmacies has always been defending my technicians. They don't get paid enough to put up with the bullish!t spewing across the counter and no one is allowed to treat them worse than I do.

Which brings me to today's witty tete-a-tete.
Uber-Tech: Mr. Limp Bizkit over there would like to use this coupon for his 3 free tablets.
CP: Okay. Tell him to hold on a bit longer and I shall try to work my magic.

(mere minutes pass...)
CP: Please tell MLB that he already used the 3 free coupon and has to use the other one for a discounted copay.
MLB: What? I wanted all of them! Why is this taking so damn long? That's not what I told her!
CP: Wow. I counted 3 exclamation points there. You need help.
MLB: I asked her for all of them.
CP: And just how many would that be, exactly?
MLB: I. SAID. ALL!
CP: Well let's see. Your prescription was written for 10. Your insurance pays for 6 per fill. Your coupon discounts only 3 at a time. So which "ALL" do you want? The ALL 10 originally prescribed? Or...
MLB: How hard is it?
CP: Apparently not very...
MLB: Jesus Christ!
CP: He won't help you...and he also doesn't need this. He was able to rise from the dead with no help. Beat that!
MLB: There is no reason I should have to wait over 2 hours here for this.
CP: You are correct. There is no reason. So why are you?
MLB: What?
CP: Why are you waiting? Just take your stuff and go. We filled it exactly 2 hours ago...right when your doctor sent it to us. It was ready to go...2 hours ago. All you had to do was pay for it instead of giving my tech a hard, sorry, difficult, time. YOU asked ME to change the billing. YOU asked ME to change the quantity. YOU are keeping YOU here waiting for all of this when all you have to do is PAY and LEAVE.
MLB: This is ridiculous. You people don't know what you're doing.
CP: By the way, the cost for ALL 10 of them will be $300.
MLB: Just give me my damn blood pressure medication.
CP: Yes. You definitely need that.
MLB: (mumbles under breath as he storms off...)
CP: Have a good night, sir!

(MLB returned a short while later and started in on another of my techs...)
MLB: Why didn't you give me my 3 free tablets?
CP: Because it is a once-per-lifetime offer.
MLB: And I used this 2 years ago!
CP: Did you die and come back to life sometime in the last 2 years?
MLB: No. That's ridiculous and you're an ass.
CP: Thank you. And if you hadn't worried about interrupting me every time I went to explain the rules, you would have had your answers, not had to come back, and probably be an hour closer to "action time".
MLB: Your problem is you think you know everything.
CP: And your problem is that you don't realise I do know everything. Now go away or I shall taunt you a third time.
MLB: Ass.
CP: Have a good night!