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Tuesday, August 14, 2012

How to Sound Stupid to your Pharmacist

Overheard recently (daily) at your local RxDrug Counter:

"I needs my Percs filled. Are they ready?"
"I forgot when my husband could get his Ativans. They due yet?"
"You got any OC's in stock?"
"I want the old Opanas.  You all have them?"

Rule #1: Do not pluralize your drugs.  It makes you sound stupid and an awful lot like a stereotype.  Therefore, I shall henceforth treat you as such.

Rule #2: Be careful of the stories you tell because I will talk to my techs and your doctor.  If your stuff was stolen, file a police report and we'll talk.  However, the important thing to remember is to tell the officer WHAT was stolen so he can list it on the line that says "Items Missing..." If you tell me someone entered your house while you were gone and they took your "Vikes", okay.  However, if the police report you handed me reads "Items Missing...Not sure. Man says someone entered his house, went through his drawers and didn't notice anything missing but would call if he did", THEN I'm not going to believe you even a little bit.  Especially if the doctor calls in to approve the early refill and I ask them what story they got and they tell me: "his wife called and said he got the crap beat out of him and they took all his Vicodins".  Strange because the report says windows were broken and you weren't home.  And don't pluralize your drugs.

Rule #3: Don't give me the stolen Rx story today then the "left them on vacation" story the next month, especially if you already used the "going on vacation" story in between.  No way did you leave them in the hotel.  You would have driven back and slapped the manager around to get back in there if it's possible you even let them out of your sight for even a shower.

Rule #4: Do not call me more than once a day.  Do not call me again once I have given you a date when your RX may be filled.  If I tell you the 13th, it will not change between now and the 13th.  Buy a calendar and put a shiny red heart on it so you know it's "Drug Day"!  Then call me on the 13th.  But only once. After 10am.

Rule #5: If for some reason I say "NO" to your narcotic refill request, you may ask for an explanation.  There may be a very legitimate reason you cannot get it and you may be a legitimate person asking for it legitimately.  For the rest of you, do not scream, curse, throw a temper tantrum, mumble things about sex with dead animals, or otherwise "lose it" in any theatrical way in front of my pharmacy.  You look like the stereotype mentioned in #1.

I do not assume everyone abuses their prescription medication. I do not stereotype based on looks or the Rx presented to me.  I do, however, have a job to do that while performing may lead to unexpected questions being raised.  It is these good people that are the recipients of my humble rants and raves here.

The truth is easy to remember; the lie is easy to forget.

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