Fungal In The Jungle 2nd Look

Fungal in the jungle, it gets worse here every day

Itchin' out like an animal, this ain't the time to play

You may think you want to go to the bushes down below

I must warn you now honey, my answer is no

It's all fungal, fungal in the jungle

Discharge all like c-c-c-c-ottage cheese, cheese,

But at least it's odour-free 

Fungal in the jungle, it's been burning night and day

Burns so much when I try to pee, please make it just go away

Although sexy time is here and my needs I aim to please

Until this goes away, the lips say none of these

It's all fungal, fungal in the jungle 

If you, you, you, can understand

Oof, uh, best use your hand

Fungal in the jungle, the burning makes me scream 

I need my doc to write Diflucan case the creams don't work phor me

Itchin' discharge vulvar pain and rash all affect my naughty bits

Just buy some Terazol okay and hope it starts to phix this shit

It's all fungal, fungal in the jungle

Discharge all like c-c-c-c-ottage cheese, cheese,

But at least it's odour-free 

With Candida, you never ever wanna go down

Go down, go down go down, yeah

You know what you got?

Fungal in the jungle baby, you wanna die

It's all fungal, fungal in the jungle

Discharge all like c-c-c-c-ottage cheese, cheese,

It's all fungal, fungal in the jungle

Hope you, you, you, you can understand

Fungal, fungal in the jungle

Discharge all like c-c-c-c-ottage cheese, cheese,

Down in the jungle, fungal in the jungle

Itchin' burnin' for you

You don't wanna go down, nah

I Don't Wanna Hold Your Hand III

CP: Okay, I one more phor you. 

CPP: Just one?

CP: Phor this week at least. 

CPP: Is there a set up or you just going in dry?

CP: When my dad first described cruise control to me, that the car would "drive itself at the same speed", I was optimistic he could come back and hang out with us. I was a few decades premature on my optimism. 

CPP: You have to understand the limits of technology?

CP: And understand I was a tiny tyke and not an adult. 

CPP: Away we go. . . 

 

CP: CP's Castle of Pills, How can I please?

Granny Acting Hopeless: You gave me the wrong strips. 

CP: Guess the pleasure ship sailed. 

GAH!: You gave me OneTouch Ultra and I use Ultrasoft. 

CP: Test strips?

GAH!: Yes!

CP: Ultrasoft Test Strips?

GAH!: That's what I said. And they don't work in my machine.

CP: Ultrasoft are lancets. 

GAH!: No. I have a Verio Meter and these are Ultrasoft and they keep giving me an error. 

CP: You keep giving me an error. Do you a Verio AND AN Ultra meter? 

GAH!: Yes. But I don't like the Ultra. 

CP: Do you have the box we gave you?

GAH!: Yes. 

CP: What is the Rx number on the box?

GAH!: 8675309

CP: That number is phor your Ultrasoft.

GAH!: That's what I said. 

CP: Those are lancets. 

GAH!: I know what they are. I have the box right here. 

CP: Ok. Read me the box. 

GAH!: It says Ultrasoft and I use Verio test strips. See?

CP: No. I cannot see through the phone. Unfortunately, that is not a skill I was afforded when the genie came calling. (Turned out it was a djinn.) I can't help you read something over the phone. I can't see which box(es) you are looking at. I cannot see what you see. Unless you wish to bring in your boxes for me to review with you, I cannot help you read. 

Something's Wrong

First Call of the Day. . .  

CP: Welcome to the Monday-Dome!

Very Amiss Gel Needling Lady: There's no tube thing in my Metronidazole box. 

CP: Well there wouldn't be. It's the topical gel. The hard copy reads: "topical gel to apply topically". 

VAGNL: How do I get it down there. 

CP: You don't. It's a topical usually used on your face; for rosacea. 

VAGNL: If I put it on my face, how will it work down there?

CP: It won't. You need to call your doctor to send over the correction. 

VAGNL: Why didn't that pharmacist tell me? 

CP: Tell you what? 

VAGNL: This was different?

CP: We don't know why it was prescribed. We don't know why you went to the doctor. It's not from a gynecologist. It's not written to be used vaginally. There's no diagnosis code on it. This checks all of the boxes for a valid prescription. When we asked if you had questions you replied with "I've been using this for years". 

Why are the doctors let off the hook and free from blame? *

 

*No, it's not the fault of a lack of counseling. Please stop blaming that. Perhaps these were delivered. Maybe they were mailed. Maybe a family member retrieved them. Focus on the mistake made by the prescriber and her poor use of the e-scribing technology. Sometimes, an error by a doctor is an error by a doctor. She's not an Ob/Gyn Kenobi and this was not indicated for the Fungal in the Jungle. 

#StopExcusingOtherProfessionsErrors

Well it's fungal, in the jungle

And it itches, twixt thine knees

Now you're cream filled, like cannoli 

So quit bitchin' if you please

(My apologies to Jethro Tull)

It Means In The Phuture

Schedule: to plan for a certain date:

Appointment: a meeting set for a specific time or place:

CP: Greetings, sir. How may I turn our conversation into a post today?

Doesn't Understand The Concept Here: <presents covid vaccine record card> 

CP: Pretty. 

DUTCH: I'd like to schedule an appointment. 

CP: <Knowing how this will go, thereby baiting> Phor?

DUTCH: A covid booster. 

CP: Okay. And which one?

DUTCH: Da Booster. 

CP: Da Bears. 

DUTCH: Huh?

CP: Which Booster?

DUTCH: The new one. 

CP: <tired of this game already> And which day works best phor you. Phor your appointment?

DUTCH: Now. 

CP: Sorry?

DUTCH: Now. I'd like it now. 

CP: Mayhap you misunderstand the concept of both "scheduling" and "appointment". To schedule means to plan phor a phuture date. Phuture, as in not today, let alone not forthwith. Appointment is an agreed upon time in the phuture where we conduct business. You are expecting a walk in vaccine. 

DUTCH: So can you do it now?

CP: No. As you clearly expected, our covid boosters are by appointment only. Which requires scheduling. Phor the phuture. Uber Tech here will gladly assist you with this. 

CPP: Every day I am reminded of the guy who asked: "Why didn't you call me to tell me my doctor didn't call you?".

CP: Under the heading "Stupidest Things People Have Actually Said", that's a Top 5 candidate. 

CPP: What's one of your faves?

CP: Not as noteworthy, but one that happens daily is "why didn't my doctor . . . ?" as if I know why anyone does or does not do anything. 

CPP: Do you have a story?

CP: Did Argentina lose this morning?

CP: Picking up today?

Help Understanding Needed Here: I should have two. 

CP: It appears I only have one today. 

HUNH: I requested two and you had to call the office. 

CP: I see that we did. The office renewed the one prescription but they have yet to approve the second one. 

HUNH: Why?

CP: <shrugs> Not sure. That's a question phor your doctor and the office. 

HUNH: Hunh. I requested them at the same time. 

CP: <shrugs>

HUNH: Ok. I'll take this one. 

CP: Good. Since that's the only one I have. 

HUNH: "Can you check your computer again and find out why my doctor didn't call this one in?"

CP: NO. 

HUNH: <stares blankly, dumbfounded>

CP: Say that sentence back to yourself, then think about it. I can no more tell you why he didn't approve this one than I can tell you why someone to whom you sent a text left you on "read". 

HUNH: Hunh?

CP: You go to someone's house, knock on their door, and they don't answer. This would be like you walking across the street and asking a neighbour why they didn't answer. Maybe they thought you were a Jehovah's Witness, the Land Shark, maybe they're all dead inside, maybe they weren't actually home. Who knows? Either way, I can't tell you why someone else didn't respond. Mayhap you should call the people who CAN answer that, the office, instead of giving me dirty looks. 

HUNH: You're a strange one. 

CP: And now you know why no one answered when you rang their bell and people leave you on "read". 

Not Helping

CPP: How was your weekend?

CP: Great. Except for the twat at the pediatrician's office. 

CPP: Oh? Do tell. 

CP: Hello! It's CP calling to ask if I can change this Amoxicillin 400mg Rx to something else I have in stock. I do hav. . . 

Answering Service Shite: Some pharmacies have it. 

CP: Ok. Well I just received this and it's Saturday at 2:45 and the patient is only 18 months and I . . . 

ASS: Nope. We don't change these. Some pharmacies have it and it's the parents' job to find it. 

CP: Wow. You don't care about your pediatric patients. I see how . . . 

ASS: WE DO! It is out there and parents can find it. 

CP: Okay. Which pharmacies have it?

ASS: I don't know. It's the parents' job to find it. 

CP: But it's been on backorder for months. I have some Cefdinir and Augmentin ES and. . . 

ASS: We're. Not. Changing. It. 

CP: No need to be such bitch. I'll make sure to tell mom when you she gets here that you don't care if her baby, who had to come see you Saturday afternoon, gets her medication. Some places close soon. But I guess you don't care. 

ASS: I'm calling your boss. 

CP: To say what, exactly? How you, a pediatric office twat refused to help our mutual patient? I can't wait to see how this plays out for you. <click>

CPP: Damn!
CP: IKR?

CPP: Did you just vocally orate IKR? 

CP: IDK. .

CPP: Sorry she was such a twatwaffle. We shouldn't have to deal with this shit. I can't get a part for my car. This has been going on since June. I get it. But an antibiotic for a baby?

CP: And she already made up her mind she wasn't going to help. 

#PhuckYourPediatrician 

#ItsAboutThePatientYouDumbCunt 

We Talk

CPP: What are two things you would like people to know they may not know about their pharmacy/pharmacists?

CP: After the story I'm about to tell you, my two facts are these:

1. Pharmacists talk to each other, like women out phor girls night. 

2. If YOU have the same problem(s) at every pharmacy YOU visit, perhaps the problem isn't the pharmacy. YOU are the lowest common denominator. 

CPP: I take it you had an incident recently? 

CP: Indeed I did. It's nothing spectacular, but it caused me to head to twitter to send out both of these phun pharmacy tidbits. 

CPP: Let us hear it. 

<overheard on phone> Uber-Tech: Uh-huh. Yes. We will call them and transfer your 5 medications phor you. Yes. I'll call you with your copays when we get them. Uh-huh. Okay. Tschuss. 

CP: This sounds like a phun transfer. 

UT: He complained he's tired of his old pharmacy not telling him what he's picking up when he goes to the pharmacy. 

CP: Huh? 

UT: Apparently they don't tell him what's in the bag. 

CP: Wait. He placed an order phor refills

UT: uh-huh

CP: phor his 5 refills

UT: uh-huh

CP: which are the only medications he takes, 

UT: uh-huh

CP: And he complained they don't tell him what's in the bag?

UT: You got it. 

CP: He's a grown-ass adult. Does he place an order for fast food then ask them to verify the two cheeseburgers, fries, and apple pie are in the bag? He placed the order. If he wants to know what's in the bag

UT: What's in the BOX?!

CP: what's in the bag, all he has to do is ask

UT: Or look

CP: Right?!

UT: What happened when you called phor the transfer?

CP: They said the same thing. They said he complained "you don't tell me what's in the bag when I'm picking up".

UT: And you told them? 

CP: Boy's a grown ass man. He takes 5 medications and they all come due together. He's picking up 5 refills he initiated. What does he think is in the bag?

UT: WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!

CP: Cute. 

#IfYoureAnAssholeWeWillKnowBeforeYouGetHere

#YesWeTalkAboutYou 

#SometimesYouGetBadCustomerServiceBecauseYouAreABadCustomer 

The White One

CP: CP's Palace O' Peril. How may you frustrate me today?

The White One Doesn't Understand Me: I put my medications in my pill box and I have two white ones that I found left over and I don't know what they are. 

CP: Okay. Let me pull up your profile. 

TWO DUM: I'm not sure if I got them from you or another pharmacy but I don't want to take anything I don't know what it is. 

CP: If you're putting them in your medication box, aren't you supposed to be taking them? 

TWO DUM: Well I found them. 

CP: Phine. Do you have the bottles from this endeavour? 

TWO DUM: No. I put them in the box then threw them away. 

CP: Smart. Ok. Well, I pulled up your profile and we have never philled anything phor you. 

TWO DUM: Well I really need to know what these are. Can't you help me?

CP: I can. If I had your profile I could narrow down the possibilities. What are the markings on the tablets?

TWO DUM: One has a line and a "K" on one side; the other has no markings at all. 

CP: The one with no markings is an OTC product, usually a vitamin or antihistamine. 

TWO DUM: So what are they?

CP: I can't tell you what the no-marking tablet is. And the other came back with over 30 results. What medications do you take?

TWO DUM: Loratadine and a bunch more. 

CP: Then the plain white one is Loratadine. 

TWO DUM: What is the other one?

CP: I don't know. I need more information. Tell me what you take. 

TWO DUM: Can't you just list them?

CP: Ma'am, there are over 30 results that are white tablets with a "k" on one side. I am not going to list them all. What do you take? 

TWO DUM: <lists 7 medications, all capsules and coloured tablets> Why can't you help me?

CP: How many white medications do you take? 

TWO DUM: I only take 2 white tablets. 

CP: Here's a riddle phor you: I have two coins in my pocket, the sum of which is $0.30. One of the coins is NOT a quarter. What are the two coins? 

TWO DUM: I don't get it. 

CP: Once you do, then you'll be able to identify the medications all by yourself. Adieu. 

*she gave me A number on the back but wasn't sure it was correct. So I did try to narrow the options a bit.